Sunday, May 15, 2005
haix..i was feeling beta aft so many days of anger, hurt n pain.. den she had 2 start all over by sayin wat my uncle told her or sth.. wateva la..plx lo..i noe wat im doin.. haix.. cant she juz.. sometimes i find her so contradictin..!! @ 1st i didnt wan tell her abt my r/s den she made mi change my mind cos she sounded so open abt it..den when i told her..she gave mi a reaction which shocked n surprised mi..she sounded like she accepted..but den again i was TOTALLY WRONG..!! aft i brought him hm e chaos started..haix..wat does she wan?! @ 1st she say she dun mind..den juz noe she say now is e time 2 study mix ard..y wan 2 commit myself so early? argh..!! plx lo..i commited myself 2yrs plus ago..u wanna noe y? cos u n dad made mi..i didnt feel loved..i felt trapped.. by ur love n protection.. i wanted to taste love 2 b loved..n 2 gif love.. though he showed mi in a different way..i still felt loved..n care.. i noe u all afraid he juz wan 2 cheat mi..but i ask u..which guy will b so stupid 2 cheat a girl n get hurt himself? if he want 2 cheat girls he wun haf chose mi..he could easily find out girls hu parents r not so protective n stuff..plx.. if he wanted 2 cheat mi he wun even wanna meet u all..he was e 1 hu asked mi 2 tell u all..n dis is wat he get back..? haix..i've seen his pain over dis matter.. wat haf u all noe abt him? u all juz judge him by his fam backgrd n his appearance..mayb he's been rude but sometimes due 2 shock ur mind will blank out n 4get 2 do sth which is basic politness..den u upset n hurt him so badly..he has feelings of cos he will show tt he is hurt n angry rite? mayb im wrong 2 defend him in wateva reason u tink..but no1 is on his side..onli mi.. i noe tt feelin.. e feeling of loneliness..u all claim u love mi n do wat is best 4 mi..but did u all noe how lonely i felt b4? i didnt say mayb tt's my fault but u all shld noe since u all said u've been thru wat i've been thru... mayb i'll get my retribution when i gt children i'll b treated e same way..but tt's future..im tired to tink..tired 2 feel pain..tired of hurtin..tired of everyting.. dun i haf e right 2 stand up 4 wat i believe? dun i haf e right 2 choose..? i was reali upset n hurt n sad tt i cldn't spend yest wif him.. u all noe i was upset but u all did NTH..!! i noe u all brought mi shoppin n stuff..i end up bought so many tings.. but i rather spend my anni wif my baby... sori dis hurt..
I REALLI MISS YOU SO BADLY..WISHIN YOU R ALWAYS BY MY SIDE HUGGING MI CLOSE TO YOU..TELLIN MI THE PAIN WILL GO AWAY SOON..I LOVE YOU BABY DEAREST..!! *HuGGiEx
thinking of you @ 8:53 PM